July

Idky but I think I was quite badly affected by someone's words and it really got me thinking a lot. I was very happy initially. Happy that CTs are finally over. Happy that I can finally have a proper sleep since I haven't had a good rest for the past few weeks just cause I was busy burning midnight oil to study. I was so drained by the end of the day cause I really have so much things to do/waiting for me to complete. But somehow, my mood literally just hit the rock bottom upon hearing what someone had said. 

It was a sad night. I was thinking of the past, thinking about the state we are at now and I really wonder where gone wrong. I really wished to know. Perhaps it's all my wishful thinking, perhaps it's just a one-sided friendship, perhaps I'm just not good enough. Yeah I admit I tend to feel insecure easily. In fact, almost every now and then. And that's because I've been thru a lot that nobody can ever understands. People come and go my life is the worst thing I could ever experience. Not once, not twice, but many. I can't deal this shit anymore. I hate making new friends. I hate the feeling of losing someone so dear to me. I can't afford to lose any too. I hate how I care so much that it eventually hurts me a lot. I hate how I treasure someone so much yet each time, they never fail to prove me that nothing last. I know I never mattered anyway. All they know is to just leave without any spoken words.

Well, good thing is that I'm occupied with my work so that I could stop having such useless thoughts in my mind. Sometimes it's really good to be kept busy too... For situation like this haha

I guess I'll be better, someday.