Page 5 of 365; defeated by...life

Don't ask me why I'm here, I wouldn't want to too because I've made a promise not to blog any unhappy stuffs here anymore in 2013 but I just can't suppress my feelings anymore.

Looking back at my timeline in facebook, I really miss how things used to be. (Sorry, I was too bored so I went to read thru so I've nobody to blame except me.) When we were once so close that we spammed each other's wall every now and then, make fun of each other/one another, laughed at every single things.. Sometimes, I really wonder how many actually mean what they say. Th word 'Forever' has lost its meaning already because most of th time people always misuse it. In this 16 years of my life, I've too much regrets, way too much. And it really pains my heart to see someone close to be drifted away from me. Like a cycle, stranger > friend > best friend > friend > stranger. I must say, this isn't th first time such thing happens. What's wrong, really, I'd like to know. Every little quarrels, dispute which caused us to be in this state? Or was it because we didn't bother to put in a lil bit of effort to keep th friendship going. I really want to make th people around me happy, is like, a small act/gesture in exchange for a genuine smile, worth it isn't it? Some people might envy me for having so many friends, but look, how many is true? How many dare to scold you to your senses because they truly cares about you. How many actually appreciate every lil things that you did? How many would still standby you till th end no matter what happens?  How many would keep up to their promises and be there for you forever? People come and go, I know, I have to deal with it but honestly, I'm really tired of all th heartbreaks and goodbyes. It's really very pain, especially when you're alone at night, and all th memories, th good and bad ones, just came flowing back in that instant. There's nothing much I could do too, other than letting th tears flow and pray for some miracles, but does it exists?

Oh I remember what my Qinaide said before:

And when you see pictures of yourself having the time of your life, you're bound to compare then and now, and you'll realise that all those people that left and all those good old days will never happen to you again.

And then you'll probably realise that you probably shouldn't have cared so much because if those people really did care, they wouldn't have left. At the end of the day, all you've got left is you and your pain. Mypain.

So true isn't it? Her blog is always so relate-able so you readers can probably take a look at it :)

Frankly speaking, I'm quite afraid for my poly life. Entering to a new environment and I've to start making new friends all over again. I suck at socializing, probably you would see me being alone everywhere. And I would be th worst friend ever. Not only that, I'm really afraid of getting into th course which I've no interest in if  *touchwood my appeal fails. My dream is not practical at all, well to my family I guess. It's pretty sad that your parents aren't supportive of your decisions at all and you've to go along with what they say instead. So right now it's really a dream vs reality. I don't know what my future would be like. Slogging my guts out or stay inside th office and earn thousands, millions of bucks easily. I don't know.

Still, I'm truly grateful for everything that had happened, be it good or bad because I'm pretty sure I meet each and everyone of you for a reason. Definitely it's an experience gained and a valuable lesson learnt. 2013 is a brand new start for me, I'm gonna fight so strong that fate accepts defeat.